Day 147: It's okay to not have it all together

The streaming church service today was really good because our pastor talked about how we don't have to have it all together. And I realized that I don't have to solve my procrastination problem, I just have to manage it. It's okay that I'm not perfect and I have a terrible tendency toward procrastination, but if I can find ways around it or to fool myself, or just find a way to get my work done despite it, then I've done a good job.

I've brainstormed a few things I can try:

1) I can try writing for 90 minutes at a time, timing myself, and then give myself a 30 minute break. Right now I tend to write for 60 minutes before a break, but I think I can extend that to 90 minutes without too many problems with my back.

2) I can try to listen to audiobooks or read a book during my breaks. (I am leaning more toward audiobooks rather than regular books because I will sometimes keep reading if it's a really good book and I'm near the end.) The reasoning behind this is if I refill the creative well during my breaks, it might help my brain with that "resetting" feeling I mentioned yesterday. I'll at least give this a shot. If it doesn't work, I'll try something else.

3) I need to start a 2 or 3 hour monster on 4thewords.com before starting my break. That way I'll only break for 30 minutes before needing to get back to write for 90 minutes and finish the monster in time.

I am using 4thewords because I don't really trust myself to adhere to a timer. I wish I could have the same discipline as other writers, who can just set a timer and then get back to work when it goes off, but unfortunately that isn't me. I already know my discipline is bad so I might was well plan for it.

4) I was reading some articles online on procrastination. And there are a lot of them! But I read with the intention to see if any particular points resonated with me.

One article pointed out various reasons why we procrastinate, but the reason that resonated with me is that the writing is difficult.

I love the story I'm writing and the characters, but the act of writing the rough draft is way more difficult for me than when I'm outlining or doing characterization. I already knew this on some level, but I guess I needed to see it in black and white.

And the cure for difficult writing? Reward systems.

I think I will borrow something I think Elana Johnson does (if not her, then I read it somewhere on her Facebook group) which is to have a candy every so many words. I can't eat most candy right now because of my IBS, but I can substitute a Japanese snack, which is something special that I really enjoy, to make the writing more enjoyable as I'm doing it. I thought I could have a snack every 500 words or so, since my Japanese snacks tend to be 1-portion sizes.

5) This is going to sound very woo-woo, but I think I also tend to give myself too much negative self-talk (I know, shocking, right?). This blog itself is full of my ranting about my lack of discipline and how I'm pathetic. While I don't want to enter into a state of self-delusion, I do think that some more positive self-talk might help me to stop procrastinating quite so much.

So I thought about my positive self-talk, and I thought I'd write something I can tell myself, just like how I wrote my Surrender statement that I say just before my writing each day.

"I am full of creativity and ideas and I am excited to be able to get them out. My greatest strength is my plotting and it has made it incredibly easy for me to write the rough draft now. I love my writing time and this opportunity to write something that God can use. I am His beloved and He loves it when I am writing and using the gifts He gave me. So I am going to start writing NOW."

I might tweak that a little over time, but I think that's a good start for now.

I also read a lot of articles talking about how procrastination is a necessary part of writing, and about the psychology behind procrastination. While I understand what they're saying, I don't think that applies to me. I don't have a hard deadline (and if I tried to create a self-imposed deadline, it just doesn't have the ability to move me like a real, external deadline does). So the act of procrastinating as a method for my writing doesn't seem to fit my problem.

I have to say, it has helped to have this blog--it's not only an outlet for my honest feelings, it's a sort of accountability, since I have to confess if I've procrastinated. It doesn't always prevent me from procrastinating, obviously, but it's another layer of public humiliation that probably keeps me from being really super lazy.

So those are the tactics I'm going to try this week. I hope they work!

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