Day 322: Blogging about fears and insecurities
I got up late today so I got a very late start to my day.
I listened to the Dear Writer, You Need to Quit audiobook today on my walk and it prompted me to think about the things I fear, since a lot of writers are motivated by fear. The author encouraged writers to face their fears and execute their plans rather than letting it stall them.
I have been feeling an impatience when I write, wanting to write faster, but I don't think I'm motivated by FOMO (fear of missing out). I am not focused on putting out books as fast as possible, nor do I feel compelled to do rapid release in order to make a best-seller list or to make a certain amount of money each month.
However, I think I do fear not being able to finish this series, which is planned for so many books. I think it's because my health has been so bad for the past year (or two) that I kind of worry if I'll be able to get these books out of me before my body gives out. Not that I think I'm going to be so sick I can't write, but this kind of constant stress about my IBS, and worrying if a sinus headache is going to derail my work for the day, makes me fear not getting the series done.
Realizing that, I had to pray to give this up to God. My health really isn't in my control. I can do what I can to eat healthy and exercise, but ultimately it's up to God if my IBS will ever get better, or if I'll be able to ever eat garlic again, or if I'll ever be free from sinus headaches.
That made me feel a bit better, or at least it made me feel less urgency to finish this series as fast as possible.
However, I also realized that for the past week, I've felt a bit stressed since taxes are due soon but I still need to finish this book. I'm realizing I probably won't be able to finish it before I have to stop and do our taxes. I don't anticipate anything difficult or upsetting about our taxes this year, but it's hard to switch gears like that in my head. I guess I just have to trust that God will help me both get into the right mind space to do taxes and also get me back into the right mind space to finish the book.
It's really cathartic to write about my fears like this. I guess it's just the act of getting it all out of my system.
Since I realized last week that I was doing cycling (editing what I'd written before moving on to new writing), I decided to record the time as editing rather than including it in my writing time. Ultimately, it won't change how many hours it takes me to write the book, but the separation of tasks might be more accurate.
***
I remembered to start my Pomodoro timer for the first sprint, but I forgot to start the timer for the second one, and I'd been writing for 15 minutes before I realized it wasn't running. I suppose that since I was focusing on my work at the time, it wasn't bad that it wasn't running, but I think that in general I need the timer to be running in order to feel a little bit of urgency, which forces me to concentrate. So I ended up changing the setting for the timer to auto-start from one Pomodoro to break to the next Pomodoro, etc. Now my only concern will be accidentally leaving the timer running when I leave my desk!
***
I got about 30 minutes of editing done and then 90 minutes of writing, but now I have to go make dinner. However I will have plenty of time after dinner to write tonight. I just need to keep plugging along on this book.
***
I broke my rule of not going online during my break. I needed to buy yogurt cultures and didn't think to just leave a reminder for myself, instead I went to the website to order it and ended up spending about 25 minutes choosing what to buy! Next time I just need to write a reminder for myself to do it after I finish writing.
Luckily, I was almost done with my writing session--I only had one more Pomodoro to do--so after getting back to work, I did another 25 minutes of writing. I was able to concentrate okay, I think.
My writing speed was a little better today, although maybe it was because I recorded the cycling as editing rather than incorporating it with my writing time.
(Not focusing on writing speed, not focusing on writing speed ...)
I wrote a little longer than normal today, but I also got a lot of words done. It also helped that I was reading a book during my 5-minute breaks that had the type of humor and rhythm that I want for my story, so it helped with the writing when I got back to work.
I was tempted to write for a longer period, but I can feel my brain getting tired, and I also don't want to neglect my reading. If I neglect it too much, I end up craving the reading more and more, and when I do read, it can get harder to go back to work. So I'll spend some time reading now.
As for the new and shiny fantasy serial novel, I think I got it out of my system. It's also partly because looking at my writing speeds during a typical writing day, there's just no way I can write a serial chapter a week. I might revisit it at another time, because I still really like the story.
Outlining: time spent: 0
Blocking: time spent: 0
Editing: Time spent: 30 minutes
Writing: Time spent: 4 hours, 37 minutes
Writing: Total number of words: 2155 words
Writing: Overall writing speed: 466 words/hour
Time spent doing other writing-related business: I forgot to set my timer when I started blogging.
My takeaway for today: Blogging about my fears and stress and insecurities really does seem to help.
I listened to the Dear Writer, You Need to Quit audiobook today on my walk and it prompted me to think about the things I fear, since a lot of writers are motivated by fear. The author encouraged writers to face their fears and execute their plans rather than letting it stall them.
I have been feeling an impatience when I write, wanting to write faster, but I don't think I'm motivated by FOMO (fear of missing out). I am not focused on putting out books as fast as possible, nor do I feel compelled to do rapid release in order to make a best-seller list or to make a certain amount of money each month.
However, I think I do fear not being able to finish this series, which is planned for so many books. I think it's because my health has been so bad for the past year (or two) that I kind of worry if I'll be able to get these books out of me before my body gives out. Not that I think I'm going to be so sick I can't write, but this kind of constant stress about my IBS, and worrying if a sinus headache is going to derail my work for the day, makes me fear not getting the series done.
Realizing that, I had to pray to give this up to God. My health really isn't in my control. I can do what I can to eat healthy and exercise, but ultimately it's up to God if my IBS will ever get better, or if I'll be able to ever eat garlic again, or if I'll ever be free from sinus headaches.
That made me feel a bit better, or at least it made me feel less urgency to finish this series as fast as possible.
However, I also realized that for the past week, I've felt a bit stressed since taxes are due soon but I still need to finish this book. I'm realizing I probably won't be able to finish it before I have to stop and do our taxes. I don't anticipate anything difficult or upsetting about our taxes this year, but it's hard to switch gears like that in my head. I guess I just have to trust that God will help me both get into the right mind space to do taxes and also get me back into the right mind space to finish the book.
It's really cathartic to write about my fears like this. I guess it's just the act of getting it all out of my system.
Since I realized last week that I was doing cycling (editing what I'd written before moving on to new writing), I decided to record the time as editing rather than including it in my writing time. Ultimately, it won't change how many hours it takes me to write the book, but the separation of tasks might be more accurate.
***
I remembered to start my Pomodoro timer for the first sprint, but I forgot to start the timer for the second one, and I'd been writing for 15 minutes before I realized it wasn't running. I suppose that since I was focusing on my work at the time, it wasn't bad that it wasn't running, but I think that in general I need the timer to be running in order to feel a little bit of urgency, which forces me to concentrate. So I ended up changing the setting for the timer to auto-start from one Pomodoro to break to the next Pomodoro, etc. Now my only concern will be accidentally leaving the timer running when I leave my desk!
***
I got about 30 minutes of editing done and then 90 minutes of writing, but now I have to go make dinner. However I will have plenty of time after dinner to write tonight. I just need to keep plugging along on this book.
***
I broke my rule of not going online during my break. I needed to buy yogurt cultures and didn't think to just leave a reminder for myself, instead I went to the website to order it and ended up spending about 25 minutes choosing what to buy! Next time I just need to write a reminder for myself to do it after I finish writing.
Luckily, I was almost done with my writing session--I only had one more Pomodoro to do--so after getting back to work, I did another 25 minutes of writing. I was able to concentrate okay, I think.
My writing speed was a little better today, although maybe it was because I recorded the cycling as editing rather than incorporating it with my writing time.
(Not focusing on writing speed, not focusing on writing speed ...)
I wrote a little longer than normal today, but I also got a lot of words done. It also helped that I was reading a book during my 5-minute breaks that had the type of humor and rhythm that I want for my story, so it helped with the writing when I got back to work.
I was tempted to write for a longer period, but I can feel my brain getting tired, and I also don't want to neglect my reading. If I neglect it too much, I end up craving the reading more and more, and when I do read, it can get harder to go back to work. So I'll spend some time reading now.
As for the new and shiny fantasy serial novel, I think I got it out of my system. It's also partly because looking at my writing speeds during a typical writing day, there's just no way I can write a serial chapter a week. I might revisit it at another time, because I still really like the story.
Outlining: time spent: 0
Blocking: time spent: 0
Editing: Time spent: 30 minutes
Writing: Time spent: 4 hours, 37 minutes
Writing: Total number of words: 2155 words
Writing: Overall writing speed: 466 words/hour
Time spent doing other writing-related business: I forgot to set my timer when I started blogging.
My takeaway for today: Blogging about my fears and stress and insecurities really does seem to help.
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